Street Fighter movie impressions (part 2)

As you might have figured out if you read my impressions of the Sakura short anime that follows the main Legend of Chun-Li feature in Japanese theaters, I didn't really care much for the main attraction itself.

Here are a couple of reasons (well, 10 reasons) why... presented in list form because this movie doesn't deserve any better.

Terrible story

I mean jesus... Bison becomes evil by transferring all his good into his child whom he plucks out of his wife's womb by sticking his hand through her belly. Yeah, real original! No wait... I mean that. I'm not being sarcastic or anything. It appears to be pretty original, but it's also stupid.

Terrible story

Bison's plot involves real estate. Why is it always real estate? And how are you supposed to get rich with real estate in Thailand?

Terrible story

Don't you love how Bison snaps Chun-Li's dad's neck quickly and without hesitation but then delegates Chun-Li's death to Balrog who delegates it to his henchmen and leaves the general vicinity so that Chun-Li can of course make her escape.

The characters look like douches

I'm referring to Nash, who looks like he wants to be Keanu Reaves, and Gen, who has a stupid shadow of a mustache.

It uses the Japanese names for the bosses.

Bison is the black guy who looks like Mike Tyson. Vega is the guy in red with the beret. Balrog is the dude with the claws. Sagat... isn't in the movie.

The fights are unsatisfying.

They really should have come up with better sequences for Chun-Li beating down all those bosses (who are named incorrectly).

That stupid growl sound that accompanies Bison's appearances

Ooh... he's so fierce!

You get to see Chun-Li's panties, but they're not very attractive.

They're really big for one thing, and she'd just gotten off a stint as a bum, so they're probably dirty. And how come they gave the lesbo chick more attractive panties when she's obviously a guy?

I know she's supposed to be half Asian, but...

How come Chun-Li is an Asian girl when she's young but becomes Kristin Kreuk in adulthood?

Too violent

It struck me that some of the deaths are way too violent. There shouldn't have been any death at all -- just people getting their asses whooped.

My overall impression of the movie was that you could switch out all the names and it would have absolutely nothing to do with Street Fighter.

I'd rate it worse than the Van Damme SF movie. Not because it's any worse, but because, unlike the Van Damme movie, it doesn't seem like the type of movie that you can pull out for laughs later.

The aside, here are some pics that I took from the theater lobby area:

The more I see the official poster, the more I realize how unattractive it is.

This wall scroll is pretty neat... but unfortunately wasn't for sale.

The pendant my friend paid 1,600 yen for.